And Thus Once More...

And once more it continues. Once more I go on while deserving of nothing. One more ounce of strength that quickly goes away.

Nothing really matters though. Pain is but an illusion that I use so that I can get all the things that I want. No. This is not pain but greed. This is not depression but a will to get whatever I want despite never actually deserving anything. Never doing anything to deserve nor doing anything at all. Simply being, as the last bit of strength in weakness is dissipated. And as the truth dawns the lies that I try so hard to convince myself of, comes to light.

I deserve not happiness but the despair I try to convince myself that I have. As I try to convince myself that I am still the person I used to be I see the man I truly am. And see the man I am truly not disappear.

I am nothing but trash. Nothing but a leach that continues to want more then he deserves and as I sit it becomes more obvious what I am doing. Reaching out as the greedy hand tries to grab what isn't deserved.

I can not stop myself from typing this but maybe I can at least make sure it is seen by nobody. And thus I try one more time. Try to hold back my greed though with such weakness it is probably only a matter of time.

This shall be seen.

I do not want it too but I am too weak to stop myself. But it will not matter. Even if it is seen. Nothing will change. It will simply continue.

It will be as it was.

It will be as it will be.

It will be as it is.

And thus...

And... Thus...